Writing that has caught my eye and tickled my fancy.
Observed the coroner: "Perpend, "The death of this, our feline friend, "Reflects preoccupation shown "With business other than his own."
(Curiosity killed the cat).
You get what you want in the form you deserve.
-Scott Michaels
It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious.
- Oscar Wilde
If you go to a movie star's house, you never know if they'll be there, but go visit them in the cemetery and it's almost certain they are home.
-Roger Sinclair, Godfather of Graving.
''Oh, Mary. I have not wrote you half of the trouble we've had, but I have wrote you enough to let you know what trouble is. But thank God, we are the only family that did not eat human flesh. We have left everything, but I don't care for that. We have got through with our lives. Don't let this letter dishearten anybody. Remember, never take no cutoffs and hurry along as fast as you can.''
-VIRGINIA REED: One of the surviving children of the Donner Party.
“Come to the edge, he said. They said: We are afraid. Come to the edge, he said. They came. He pushed them and they flew.”
- Guillaume Apollinaire
He thought he saw a Coach-and-Four That stood beside his bed: He looked again, and found it was A Bear without a Head. 'Poor thing,' he said, 'poor silly thing! It's waiting to be fed!
-- Lewis Carroll
Man, it was rough getting a ride out here. The only car that stopped was a hearse that thought I fell out.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Vintery, mintery, cutery, corn, Apple seed and apple thorn; Wire, briar, limber lock, Three geese in a flock. One flew east, And one flew west, And one flew over the cuckoo's nest.
-American children's folk rhyme
My candle burns at both ends, it will not last the night. But ah my foes and oh my friends, it gives a lovely light.
-Edna St. Vincent Millay
"Every day you wake up and your elbows don't hit wood, you're in good shape."
- Quincy Jones
"Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."
- Mark Twain
We die three times. Once when we physically take leave of this body, once on the day of our funeral and the third time when the last person who remembers us dies.
- Mike Steen
CEMETERY CONVIVIAL
Oh joy, a visitor on Halloween night!
I'll do my best to not cause fright.
You're welcome here with open arms.
I knew you couldn't resist my charms.Step by step kindly make your way
Between my tombstones cold and gray.
Don't feel anxious, don't be harried,
I like new friends who aren't buried.
We're practically alone so do not fear,
That's just me whispering in your ear.
As I wrap you up in my misty cloak
Let's sit beneath my favorite oak.
Some rustling sounds just turned your head.
Well, I'm fairly certain it's not the dead.
Truth be told, we have spirits here who
Are, like me, estatic to see you.
They're cheeky but they mean no harm,
So please don't scream when they pinch your arm.
Have your eyes adjusted yet to the dark?
You're biting your fist, that'll leave a mark.
I can hear your heart, it's beating quite fast.
Did you see those shadows that just walked past?
You're white as a ghost, aren't you having fun?
Goodbye my friend, no need to run.
Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today. I wish that man would go away
(Inspired by reports of a ghost of a man roaming the stairs of a haunted house in Antigonish, Nova Scotia, Canada,)
-William Hughes Mearns
Mark Twain's advice for good manners at a funeral
Do not criticize the person in whose honor the entertainment is given.
Make no remarks about his equipment. If the handles are plated, it is best to seem to not observe it.
If the odor of the flowers is too oppressive for your comfort, remember that they were not brought there for you, and that the person for whom they were brought suffers no inconvenience from their presence.
Listen, with as intense an expression of attention as you can command, to the official statement of the character and history of the person in whose honor the entertainment is given; and if these statistics should seem to fail to tally with the facts, in places, do not nudge your neighbor, or press your foot upon his toes, or manifest, by any other sign, your awareness that taffy is being distributed.
If the official hopes expressed concerning the person in whose honor the entertainment is given are known by you to be oversized, let it pass -- do not interrupt.
At the moving passages, be moved -- but only according to the degree of your intimacy with the parties giving the entertainment, or with the party in whose honor the entertainment is given. Where a blood relation sobs, an intimate friend should choke up, a distant acquaintance should sigh, a stranger should merely fumble sympathetically with his handkerchief. Where the occasion is military, the emotions should be graded according to military rank, the highest officer present taking precedence in emotional violence, and the rest modifying their feelings according to their position in the service.
Do not bring your dog.
The difference between coffins and caskets:
Early coffins were not rectangular in shape. To save precious wood, the coffin was wide at the shoulders and tapered towards the feet. Hence the name 'Toe pincher'. A coffin has 6 sides. Later when there were more materials available, coffins became to change shape and the rectangular casket was used. Caskets have 4 sides. Coffins are still commonly used in Europe.
"Toe pincher" coffin: seen in the 'old West' and Victorian palours. Wider at the top and shoulders and narrowing towards the legs and feet. Usually constructed out of Pine. Sometimes plain, unadorned and sometimes elaborate in decoration and lined with Silk or Satin.
"Viewing or Window coffins and caskets: Typical of late-Victorian - early Edwardian. Glass window to display usually the face and sometimes the upper torso of the deceased. Viewing windows were used in both Coffins and caskets.
Wicker (or Willow) Cigar shaped caskets made their appearance in the Edwardian era.
Bassinet Style coffins for babies. Oval shaped caskets of wood (oak, pine, mahogany) decorated with lace and silk. Made to look like a bassinet but equipped with a lid. Sometimes also displayed with a net tent over it.
Sofa Caskets. A casket that has one side that completely lowers so that the open side allows for the entire body to be on display. The inside would be elaborately decorated with lace, silk and sometimes beaded accents.
Metal caskets : Originally Cigar shaped and later rectangular. Lined in Satin or Silk.
How to Clean Bronze Head Stones
As time passes, the bronze headstone beneath which a loved one is buried may deteriorate due to the elements. Build-up from hard water, dirt, dust or fungus may develop on bronze headstones. These deposits are surprisingly easy to remove. Outdoor bronze headstones should be cleaned every three months and waxed twice a year.
Things You'll Need:
Cleaning
Step 1
Mix 1 tablespoon of liquid dish soapwith 1 cup of water.
Step 2
Dip a soft-bristle brush in mixture and scrub well to loosen and remove build-up.
Step 3
Pour clean water over the headstone to remove soapy mixture and build-up. If headstone is not completely clean, repeat steps 1-3.
Step 4
Pat down the headstone with towels until completely dry.
Waxing and Buffing
Step 1
Apply wax to a dry headstone in small sections. Use a small amount of wax and brush to carefully smooth each section before moving on to the next. If the wax hardens, it will get streaky or bumpy. To avoid this, smooth wax immediately or apply additional wax and brush until smooth.
Step 2
When the headstone is completely covered with a thin layer of wax, brush the entire surface with a medium/hard-bristle brush, like a shoe brush.
Step 3
After brushing wax, use the flannel towel to buff entire headstone. This should provide a deep shine.
Step 4
Wax will continue to harden for a day. If possible, buff again, about 24 hours after wax application. A good shine indicates that the wax has hardened and will repel deposits. | 
The Dead Beat
